why am i crying after having this happen time and time again? i’ve come to realize that i’m am so afraid. i know what it’s like to be with him, i know what it’s like to fight and although it hurts, my fear of what it’s like to be without him is even greater. but i need to understand that i don’t need a man to help me validate my feelings. This past year I came to several realizations. I realized that I have the power to allow a person to make me and break me. I also realized how many people LOVE me, genuinely love me and will not hurt me—- and even if they did it would be a lesson learned and it would not be a weekly thing. I saw myself from the outside and shook my head in shame. BUT WHY? What kept me around? —-it was a lack of love for myself and a misconception of love that another person had for me. I thought that by continuing to love him, he would love me back the way I loved him…and it has hit me that it’s all just wishful thinking. I thought that loving him meant that he could continuously hurt me, as long as he was happy at the end of the day. But what type of love is that? I’m generally a happy person and I want that back. Crying weekly is a routine, crying daily is almost not uncommon. I want myself back. go get yourself back then. goodbye.
finally had La Vics. damn their sauce is good. haha Cesar kept putting some on my burrito and i was hella laughing. it’s good to be home. well this post is gonna be short because i’m gonna try to study for an hour then we’re headed to Helen’s bday thing and then Parlare with the homies! just got a fresh haircut and ima be fitted tonight! and also i’m hella juiced about the alumni game tomorrow at Florin. i hope Coach McGhee doesn’t yell at me haha. we had some good memories in that Florin gym. the jungle as they called it. i know i’m going to be hit with nostalgia as soon as i step in there. good weekend so far and it’s only gonna get better. Helen’s having another bday thing at some lounge tomorrow. well ima get some studying done so i can play later!
this hella made me smile. can’t wait til i meet my pam =)
so irreverent. but high-larious.
two days of protesting and they still passed the measure to increase tuition by 32%. LAPD reported that no one was hurt today but that’s bullshit because my friends were tazed and dragged out of the street when they tried to sit down in front of the van that was transporting the regents. these regents are supposed to represent us and they just sat in a van and watched police officers use force on a group that wasn’t saying anything and was just sitting down.
overall though it was a very emotional experience and i’m trying to see both sides. California is messed up. i’m glad i’m part of a group that not only fights for student rights, but takes a leadership role in protecting the right to a free education. we all came to a public university so that we could get an education we could afford. and these guys, who probably have never been through public schooling, just voted on a measure that will make our lives and the lives of our parents much more difficult. props to Edith for being so matapang. and Rus for getting tazed and then acting like everything was coo.
a lot of people were saying we shouldn’t fight because we knew what the outcome of the vote would be. but did the People Power Movement happen because people chose to lay down and accept the dictatorship and martial law of Marcos? what if Martin Luther King Jr. just said hey we can’t beat racism so let’s just not fight at all? this will be a continued fight for students. crazy, emotional, unforgettable experience. solidarity my brothers and sisters.
the UC regents are meeting on campus today to vote on a 15% mid-year tuition increase. only one of them, the student regent, is gonna vote against it. so there’s a massive strike/rally every day for the rest of the week. people are planning to get arrested. i’m headed there right now. fuck, they want us to pay more? as if they haven’t been abusing us with tuition increases this whole time. i know i’m about to graduate, and i’ll only feel the increase this year, but i’m thinking about the underclassmen who are trying to get a good education and chose a really good public school so that their education would be subsidized. if i wanted to pay $30,000 i would have gone to a private school. and it’s only for UCs. i don’t know why they’d have the meeting at UCLA because we’re the most progressive school and of course we’re gonna protest. i’m excited though. well i’m off to school. this is a cause i actually think is worth protesting for.
